Don't say her name
by Basslady
Summary: 5 times Eva senses chuck isn't over blair.


**Summary**: 5 times Eva knows that Chuck isn't over Blair.

**1**

Eva has always been a nice person. Even when she was a prostitute she made sure that she was ethical in the other parts of her life. She did feel filthy inside though, and Charles changed all that for her. He made her feel clean, he made her feel pure, he saved her. She saved his life literally, and he saved hers metaphorically. It did sound poetic and it looked like a fairytale. Unfortunately, she felt like she was living someone else' fairytale.

Eva and Charles were strolling in central park happily , and Eva was very content until she saw Blair Waldrof. Blair Waldrof intimidated the hell over her. Eva's angelic face and light hair was bland in front of Blair's long luminous dark curls and her intense stare. She felt very small in front of Blair's sophisticated and elite aura. She and Blair's eyes met .Blair looked at her scornfully but even Eva could see the storm behind it. Blair whispered :" Chuck."

Feeling the way Charles' nickname came easily and naturally and intimately out of Blair's mouth made her blood boil. For some reason ,Eva never felt filthier in her life. Of course she had sold herself to plenty of disgusting and married man , but she never felt guiltier in that moment because she felt like she was having something that doesn't belong to her . No , Eva Charles is _your_ boyfriend , she told herself , he loves you . The fact that Charles is fixing his eyes on Eva , his cane , and the his phone isn't helping matters. It would have been better if he actually looked at Blair instead of looking around numbly as if her presence doesn't affect him. He was acting as If looking at her would burn him. Blair passed by them and she said :" Hey."

Eva replied and Charles nodded his eyes on the floor. Then she walked away. Charles watched her go and said :" Blair." She did not answer , she just walked away. Eva wondered if he saw her hands shaking.

Eva hated the way Charles's voice shook when he said Blair's name.

**2**

That night , Chuck and Eva were at a bar . The same bar on which Blair was in with a date. Eva wondered if he knew that before he picked the bar. But she trusted him , and concludes it is just a coincidence. Blair Waldrof was laughing and talking with a guy , and Chuck was acting weird. He was being nice to Eva and all , but he was drinking a lot and his fists are clenching every time the guy touches Blair. He was holding his scotch so tightly his knuckles were white. It was the first time she saw drinking. Not to mention his tortured eyes.

At one moment , he looked like he was going to go up to the guy and kick his ass.

Eva said vulnerably in a voice of question :" Charles." She calls him that because she will never call him Chuck like Blair does intimately. She'll call him Charles possessively. Things change she wasn't to scream at the Blair shadow haunting them. So it started with the little things , she thought of him as Charles ,and she called him Charles.

He turned to look at her his eyes black with anger , and he looked like he was seeing her for the first time. She wondered what he saw in her eyes since his eyes softened and he relaxed and he focused all his attention on her for the rest of the night.

But all of that did not change or erase the fact that when she took him home drunk he was whispering :" Blair."

She hated how desperately he said her name.

**3**

The next day , Charles send Eva to the ESB to get him old clothes he has there so they can donate them to charity. He was really the sweetest guy she ever met. She enters his suite and it feels like the suite belongs to someone else. Curiosity drives her to the phone , and she listens to check if he has any new messages. A drunken Blair Waldrof 's voice fills the room and the message was sent yesterday at 3 a.m. so Eva guessed Blair sent it after her date with the guy in the bar.

_Chuck , this is Blair. You will never hear this message because you will never lay foot in the EBS since the "new" Chuck hated what this place had turned him into so I thought that would be the best way to let things off my chest. Usually people do that in letters that they never send , but that didn't work , so I am going to try this since it would really feel like I told you how I feel , but I don't actually do It since you won't ever hear it . I am sending this to the old Chuck , not the one who sold me but the one before the boyfriend who promised will make me happy however it is achieved. I want to tell him he is a part of him , and that I will always love him .This Chuck and the one who betrayed me ,I hate you. I hate you so much . I hate how after you sold me and betrayed me , you are the one moving on and I am the one pining over you. I hate you for moving on so fast , did what we have mean so little to you ? I hate how you walk around talking about redemption and regret and forgetting your past when __**I**__ am your past Chuck .For the record , even the "new" Chuck is hurting me so your whole redemption things is failing. I hate you. I swear to God I hate you . Oh my God I love you!"_

Eva was shaking by the end of that message. But this wasn't the time to feel bad for Blair , this was the time to fight for the man who she loves. If Charles ever heard this message he would…. No no! To her shock , she finds herself deleting the message. The she instantly regret it. But what is done is done , so she decides to turn her focus on the task in hand. She is stunned by the expensive and colorful clothes Charles owns. Then she opens the last closet and she finds it full of dresses , lingerie , and coats.

She feels her face whiten as she looks through the beautiful collection . She calls him:"Hey!

_Hi.

_Listen I found a lot of woman's jewelry and clothes , I assumed those are Blair's. Do I take them to? I can take them to her.

_Take them to her? Of course not! Leave them as they are , don't touch anything , leave Blair's things just the way they were.

_ Okay. But Why?

_Those are _Blair's_ stuff! Anyway , I love you and thank you.

_You are always welcome. I love you more , bye !"

Eva felt like ripping Blair's dresses. The she relaxed , she wasn't a mean person , but her rage made her act strange. The way talked about Blair's stuff killed her. He talked about them as if she was a goddess and everything she owned is sacred and should be left untouched. Or maybe he thought Blair would be coming back.

To decrease her anger she stared dreaming of how Blair would react if Charles actually sent Eva to give her her belongings . It would kill her. Then Eva snapped out of it and quickly felt guilty for her mean thoughts.

Still she hated the way he said Blair's name in veneration.

**4**

Charles and Eva were kissing on the couch when she said :" I love you."

He said :" I love you too." It sounded detached.

She said in between kisses :" Who is the woman you loved most in your life?"

She knew the answer , but she hoped he would contradict her even if it were a lie.

He said :" I only loved – I don't know."

_I only loved one woman. _Is that what he was going to say? She wondered.

They continued kissing than she said :" Do you still love her?

_Enough with the talking , you are ruining the mood.

_If she took you back , who would you pick?

_Don't be silly!"

He smiled sweetly and started kissing her on her neck and she quickly was distracted.

It did not change the fact that she did not even have to tell him who. It did not change the fact that he did not even answer.

She hated the way Chuck's voice seems mesmerized when he is talking about her.

**5**

That night , Eva couldn't sleep. Chuck was soundly asleep. She was sick of it. Sick of living a life where every time he had a far away gleam in his eyes she has to wonder if he is thinking about _her_. Sick of feeling like this was temporary , like as soon as Blair decided to forgive him , he would dump her. She hated Blair's name. She wanted to yell Charles not to say it , it was already in his heart , it was already a wall between them, saying it only made it more real. Still that doesn't stop him from mumbling "Blair." in his sleep.

She was compelled with the urge to leave him, leave this mess , and leave the inevitable heartbreak. Though another side of her loved him enough to fight Blair's memory.

But she hated that even when they didn't say her name , she was always there.

Chuck woke up and saw Eva holding suit cases and she was sitting a chair watching him.

"Where are you going? What is wrong?

_ Answer that question honestly . Loving me because I saved you and gave you hope isn't love. Do you _love_ me? Do you love _me_? If you do , I will forget the past painful week and I will unpack my suitcases and hop back into bed with you , if not…. Just tell me the truth.

_I care about you and I appreciate how you turned my life around….

_But you will never love me , not the way you love Blair.

_ …

_ Charles I am going to leave for France. You know where to find me. Anytime.

_Thank you for everything.

_ Just don't come when you are in trouble and need to run away. Come when you are ready to let me in completely in a way I don't think you ever will except with her."

Eva tried not to cry as she leaned and kissed his cheek then she left.

When Eva left , Chuck felt like a lost boy . Without Eva to numb his pain a little and distract him he did not know what to do. He needed Blair. Whether it was whores , then Jenny , then Prague , then Eva it all came down to it. He _needed_ Blair. So he did what he did best , he drowned in scotch and self-pity.

Blair was sitting alone. She was so exhausted. Emotionally , physically , mentally , and she really didn't know what to do anymore. Loving Chuck broke her, and hating him sucked off the energy out of her , so it broke her too.

It was 2 a.m. and she still haven't slept. She was in her dorm in Colombia and Serena still didn't come back. She was at some party. She jumped as she heard banging on her door.

"Who I is it?"

_It's me.

_Chuck , what are you doing here? Leave.

_I won't leave until you let me in to talk. I will keep banging until-"

He was interrupted by Blair letting him in.

She closed the door and whispered :" What do you want? I don't want you to cause a scene.

_Blair…I just wanted to see you.

_I don't think your girlfriend would appreciate you coming to see me.

_We broke up.

_So now that she dumped you , you are here looking for some fuck? See Eva is me and I am Jenny. You are looking for someone to numb the pain so you came here for a quickie." Blair said laughingly and meanly.

"Why are you talking about yourself this way? You are _not_ a fuck or a quickie , don't talk like a whore.

_You must have missed out on that part when you whored me out."

Blair hated how her voice broke at the end.

Chuck's face turned white and he looked like he was going to faint.

"Blair , I already told you I am so sorry . For everything.

_You were supposed to know me Chuck , better than anyone. I wanted to be a _princess_ , a fairytale. You turned me into a _whore_ , I wanted _loyalty_ you _slept_ with jenny. I wanted you to _fight_ for me you _moved_ on. And I am done with you and your shit. I waited a year Chuck for three words and you gave them away so easily for _Eva_. Whom you bare-

_How did you know?

_I see and I hear Chuck. I can see the love-

_ I don't love her.

_You are saying that cause she dumped you.

_She left me because I don't love her , she left me because I still love you. I always will love you.  
_I don't want your love and I don't need your words. Chuck no matter what you say , actions speak louder than words. Chuck you slept with whores and Jenny in the room that have my clothes. The room I practically lived in. My _home. _You gave me to Jack in that room. Nothing is sacred to you. Not even my body. You were my first Chuck , you took me when I was pure and untouched. You have known me since I am kid , you saw me grow up. How could you allow that body which you claimed to want and adore to be used?

_Blair! Don't you dare do that. Don't you dare talk like your body means nothing to me. You have no idea how much … Blair do you know how many women I slept with since we broke up?

_ I don't want to know that Chuck.

_ More than I can count. But Blair they were all faceless. It was nothing , it meant nothing. I didn't even look at them , I don't even remember their faces.

_ I am sure you remember Eva's and Jenny's.

_Blair when I am inside all I can see is your face.

_Don't be disgusting.

_ I can still remember how every part of you looks like , feels like. I have memorized your body.

_Well the seller needs to know and check his merchandise before he sells it."

Chuck looked like he was slapped in the face. Nothing she could have said would have killed him as much as those cold bitter words. He wished he knew the magic way to fix everything , it was hopeless.

Chuck said :" Blair , I thought we moved past this.

_Chuck I think you should leave."

He tenderly stroke her cheek and left . He never before felt this utterly desperate before.

As soon as he left , Blair felt her tears fall . She wondered when she would stopped caring.

She remained awake till the rest of the night , and when she finally fell asleep a knock on her door woke her up. She opened the door. It was Eva.

**A/N**: I hate season 4 with passion. For me, even season 3 is better. Chuck being the one moving on and looking at Eva with that puppy love look and telling her he loves her is making me want to throw up. I like Eva , she is nice , it is Chuck that I am pissed at. I don't know if Chuck gave away the ESB on the show , but in my story he kept everything but he isn't using them (money/EBS) I just thought that after sacrificing Blair to keep this place it would be a shame for him to just throw it away. If he wanted to do that , he should have done it after the whole Ip thing , not now. Anyway enough with the complaining, I hope you like it and please review if you do and tell me if you are interested so that I know if I continue or not! Sorry if this chapter was too E/C heavy , next one is very C/B and B/E heavy.


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